#im trying to get back into the habit of writing and maybe even posting what i write publically

[inez-winchester-cameron]

omg pls write more of what you just posted of rafe with that age gap it's sooo hot 😭 like something about the reader being bratty on purpose and sassing him

cw: dark!rafe x younger!reader, 29 and 19, non-con/rape, drug use, intoxicated reader, talks of free use and public sex, abusive relationship

note: is this too dark, yes or no

rafe HATES when you disobey at parties. ever since you two have started dating, you have a bad habit of misbehaving at parties to get more attention from rafe. whether that be overdrinking, snorting coke, smoking weed, or flirting with other guys. all of these being things that you KNOW rafe disapproves of.

tonight, it happened to be a mix of all of them. you went to the restroom and came back to rafe talking with one of his ex girlfriends, sofia. you completely being oblivious to the fact that he was telling her off. you huff and head back into the room where topper and kelce sit.

they're doing lines and drinking, sitting on opposite sides of a loveseat.

"hey, y/n, have a seat," topper politely greets you, gesturing to an empty chair beside the loveseat but you smile and sit inbetween topper and kelce. they give eachother a look but say nothing.

"whatcha guys doin?" you ask, looking over toppers shoulder as he sets up a line.

"coke, nothing you should concern yourself with."

"yeah rafe would kill us if he knew you were anywhere near this," kelce comments.

"hes too busy bein up sofia's pussy to care. can i do a line?"

kelce and topper both look at you at this comment, a little shocked. they knew rafe and how loyal he was to you, he never even so much as entertained another girl.

"you saw him up her pussy?" kelce asks, confused.

"well no but- it doesnt even matter, just let me do a line."

"sweetheart i dont think-" topper starts.

"pleaseeeeee?" you beg, giving him puppy eyes.

topper sighs and glances to kelce who shrugs. eventually topper responds, "okay fine, sweetie, but you cannot tell rafe."

"i won't, promise! ill even pinky promise if you want!"

topper stares at you for a moment, finding your innocence both endearing and hot at the same time. too bad you aren't his. topper sets up a line for you and gently guides you onto your knees in front of the table. he gives you the dollar bill and guides you as you snort it. you let it sit for a minute, not feeling anything, then it hits. and you want more.

"again!" you say, looking at topper, feeling your brain begin to buzz.

"yeah no i don't-"

"what the fuck are you doing?"

your eyes shoot to the doorway. rafe stands there, arms crossed, hair messy, blood on his knuckles, and he looks pissed.

"rafey!" you greet him, trying to pretend you didn't just snort cocaine. you stand up, swaying, and subsequently falling back onto the couch.

"what the fuck guys?" rafe questions, walking over to you. he looks pissed, "how much did you give her?"

"just a line, man, she asked for it. quite literally," kelce speaks first and topper agrees.

"i didn't know you don't let her do that man, im sorry-" topper defends himself and rafe shakes his head, calming down a bit.

"nah you're good, man. it's her fault. come on, princess, we have some business to discuss." rafe says through gritted teeth, roughly grabbing your arm and heading to his room. once you're upstairs and away from people, he starts scolding you, "what the fuck were you thinking? you know so much better than that."

"you were talking to Sof-"

"yeah i was telling her to go suck a fucking dick. then i beat the shit out of her boyfriend for calling you a whore. but maybe he was right, you don't think about anyone but yourself, huh? always just assuming. saw the way you were staring at top." rafe speaks with no sympathy and you two slip into his bedroom. he presses you down onto the bed, holding your hands behind your back as he flips your little skirt up, "no panties? you fucking serious? god what is wrong with you? you stupid little whore."

you hear his belt unbuckle and your head continues buzzing from your high. soon enough, you feel his cock, pushing into you. it's immediately too much.

"rafe-! no no no-"

"don't tell me fucking no, bitch. act like a whore, get treated like one. maybe i should've just fucked you downstairs," rafe starts, setting a fast pace with his thrusts, not hearing any of your protests, "or maybe i should tie you up down there, let all these drunk men use your holes since you wanna disobey. i think that's a fair punishment, huh? i try to be nice and defend your honor and you make eyes at two of my best friends. fucking bitch."

"rafe i didn't- i don't want this- stop!" you beg but rafe doesn't care. he simply tugs your hair in response as you start crying. your head is pounding and it's all too much.

"that's it, cry for it, bitch. this is my fucking pussy and i'm gonna use it when i want. now whine one more time and i'm gonna make this pussy free use to the entire island."

you whimper and stay quiet in response. you think about leaving rafe, but you can't, you love him and maybe you even secretly loved being fucked against your will.

[alwayscorvus]

i have no idea whether or not you take request but ill just shoot my shot ( if u dont take reqs, its a-okay, you can just ignore this)

but if you do, would it be fine for me to request a fic with reader x werewolf!yuanwu ( too late for Halloween? perhaps, but its never a wrong time to enjoy some good supernatural stuff) and something about transformation and discovering about yuanwu's condition ( you dont have to rigidly follow this one, you have full creative freedom over this one)

im currently going insane w the lack of yuanwu content and my brain decides to make me more feral by giving an idea for werewolf!yuanwu <`3

Bittberry Tea

malereader x werewolf!Yuanwu, fluff;

one thing for sure, we both have a great sense of timing when it comes to "Halloween" vibes. I take requests but just hardly ever have time to write them (I mean... I have time for writing just not for translating it later...). So maybe u already forgot about your Yuanwu's phase... Still thanks a lot for it!

even if its not the best, it's probably the longest post i have ever written... and I will try to never make the same mistake again, so enjoy!

Sometimes changes in life weren't as bad as they might seem. Sometimes they opened up a doors for new opportunities.

Or at least that's what your father always said.

That's why when you had to move back to Jinzhou in order to take charge of family business, you weren't really bothered. After all, you had always been prepared for such a turn of events. You went on a trip around the world, met true masters in their fields and gained a knowledge in subjects of tea brewing and herb gathering, just because of that. Also, your father was getting older and his condition didn't really allow him to continue his work.

Time to use your hard-earned skills and expand Liuxian Teahouse's business by opening up customers to a new exotic flavors, has finally come.

But of course, road to success couldn't be too easy. And your enthusiasm was bound to run into a wall called "reality". That definitely chilled your father's dreams. Maybe your traditional teahouse wasn't going to rack and ruin, but for the past decade it clearly didn't live up to its potential in gaining more popularity. And you were the one who was supposed to change that. However, your customers didn't really seem to follow this vision. They were terrified of trying anything new. But surprisingly, you weren't completely taken aback by their attitude and still tried to convince them to new flavors and techniques.

Especially one particular person. Which was stubborn like no one else. And which, despite many attempts, never gave up in sticking to their old habits.

When you returned to Jinzhou, staff introduced him to you as a regular customer of your tea shop. Technically he was there first and that gave him a big advantage over you. But in the end, precisely because of that reason, you couldn't let him win.

How could a person who saw you almost every day miss out so much by closing themselves on only one solution?

-Yuanwu - you announced in an anticipating voice at the sight of a newly arriving customer. Almost feeling happy with the idea of your victim finally getting caught into a trap.

Man looked at you with slightly frightened eyes. He really hoped that he wouldn't find you behind a counter today.

Or let's be honest… it was a lie.

Subconsciously, he really wanted to see you. After all, he started coming here more often precisely because of you. Not like before; once or twice a week, but for the past six months almost daily. Just to see your warm smile and exchange a few sentences about how he was doing. He didn't feel the need to talk about himself. If he did, he always had a plenty of people in his gym that he could burden with his thoughts. Yet, he didn't. The only reason why he was getting out of his comfort zone was your charming voice… As soothing as a warm coat on an icy night, as hot as freshly brewed tea and as refreshing as a breeze of spring. Combination that Yuanwu loved and that he could listen to over and over again. Even if it was limited to just few simple answers, winks and snorts of laughter. Oh, how much Yuanwu would give to be able to hear more. Especially about you. Curiosity got the best of him.

But not today. Not during this period. Especially when this was getting closer.

-You weren't here yesterday -you pointed out correctly, trying to let his guard down- A tough fight?

You referred to this tournament that Yuanwu's gym had recently held while rolling up your sleeves to slowly get down to brewing his tea.

Man only mumbled at this with a nod. He really was exhausted. This season was seriously giving him a hard time, and this responsibilities that he had added to himself weren't really helping. But at first, he thought they would be the perfect solution to occupy his thoughts and give him a great excuse to not visit you until everything would be resolved. And while he actually managed to act wisely yesterday, today his instincts didn't let him. And brought him right at your door. Yuanwu hated that, it made him act completely like not him. He became hyperactive and relied on raw force as if in his teenage years. But he couldn't help it, even his calm approach wasn't able to overcome this urge. Before he could even think about it, he was already sitting on a stool at your bar.

Yuanwu scratched himself intensely behind his right ear. Place where his fedora unpleasantly squished his head began to itch heavily again. This time a habit that he also hated. Though maybe not so much, because it always made you smile. And although it involved a great amount of embarrassment (which Yuanwu had no intention of showing on his stoic face) nothing excited him more than your laugh. He really couldn't understand where this feelings were coming from, but ever since he saw you for the first time, some strange force had been pulling him persistently towards you. Exactly like you to him.

You secretly glanced at him with tenderness. Despite his age, proud aura, bulky body or even beard itself, you couldn't deny that sometimes Yuanwu reminded you of a big puppy. Even if he evoked fear and awe in others, there were some certain adorable slip-ups that he made. Reactions of excitement when you agreed with him or sad pouts when he found out that he wouldn't see you for the weekend. All those little gestures unnoticeable at first glance that didn't let you dismiss this thought.

Yuanwu took his fedora off and placed it carefully on the wooden countertop, not far from his hands, which he intertwined together just a seconds later.

He looked in your direction and swallowed his saliva heavily. Seeing your arms exposed to your elbows and your veins tensed from precarious job, Watching your exposed arms and veins, tensed up from precise job, made something unpleasantly swirl around in his stomach. Your focused gaze and carefully thought-out movements while crushing the leaves didn't help either. Your elegance in performing of such a simple tasks was breathtaking. Your movements were so smooth, as if you had done it thousands of times before. And Yuanwu didn't doubt that this could be the case. You were so dedicated to your work that man didn't allow himself to question your passion for your profession or years you had dedicated to perfecting yourself. Yuanwu greatly admired your devotion.

But wait a minute. Something wasn't right. Man looked suspiciously at the stickers of a boxes that you had just used.

-I will have a Bittberry Tea- he warned right away, and you sighed in resignation.

-Fine - you gently lifted one corner of your lips, more amused than offended at the idea of being caught red-handed.

You definitely weren't trying to secretly sneak the other tea.

Or maybe you did.

But at least you didn't have any bad intentions!

And Yuanwu knew this very well. And after all this attempts in convincing him to try something new, he would have agreed to go along a long time ago. After all, he was already too old for such pestering and this types of games were too tiresome and tedious for him. But if the case involved you... Man just had to admit that he was fond of your attention. And thanks to this tea he was gaining a lot of it. If he gave in, your little play would stop and he would lose the only excuse he had to pique your interest.

Or at least that's what he thought.

-By the way… I was just wondering… -you turned your back to Yuanwu as if looking for a new cup, but in fact slightly embarrassed by your sudden boldness- This Saturday there is a full moon and... -your hand froze in a mid-air- I know a great place from where you can see the moon perfectly. Weather hasn't been good lately, but now it's supposed to be suitable for night walks - word by word you quickened your pace, trying to have this stressful moment behind you as soon as possible- when I was still a teenager I loved to stay there and admire the moon for hours. Maybe- Just maybe-… - you turned rapidly towards Yuanwu- you would like to go there with me?

Man looked at you with wide-open eyes. Almost as if he saw a ghost.

You smiled awkwardly. You just screwed up.

How could you even think about having a chance with someone like Yuanwu?! Let's be honest, after all, someone like him was bound to already have a partner. Even if he didn't brag about it. And if not. You were a simple tea seller, while he ran the most respected gym in all Huanglong. You were out of his league. He wouldn't even look at you.

While you felt a mental breakdown. Yuanwu gently slid down on his stool and with an sudden “excuse me!” ran out of a teahouse.

You watched with resignation as his figure disappeared behind a slightly glazed door.

This clearly wasn't the best moment.

It's a good thing that tea makers weren't required to be overly intelligent. Because, if your father had seen you just now, he would have definitely disinherited you from the rights of your family business.

Did you, in your foolishness, choose to talk to Yuanwu and try to repair your not even developed relationship, after he didn't show up at your place for the past three days? Yes. And was it a good idea? Absolutely not.

But something deep inside you told you that you couldn't let it go just like that. Over the past few months, you had grown used to seeing this gray-haired man who decided to reveal his vulnerability to you. And you couldn't imagine ending things like that. Without any answer. That wasn't even in Yuanwu's style.

Anyway, you hoped that even though he didn't reciprocate your feelings he would at least agree to remain as your friend. After all, you didn't even declare anything.

Anyone could have gone on a night walk in the moonlight… Right?

You didn't find him at the gym. You didn't find him at home. You felt a sense of resignation, but only for a moment. Yuanwu's kind neighbor gave you an idea about his potential whereabouts. Although she didn't know him very well, as he rarely talked about himself, she was a great observer. And a bit prying by the way… She couldn't help but pay attention to his enight escapades. Especially since he always came back from them pretty bruised. As if he had drunk a lot and run into a wrong company. And everyone thought that he was such a well-mannered gentleman! Such lies couldn't spread on neighbor's watch. She wasted a couple of evenings, but it was worth it -or at least, that's how she bragged.

Looking carefully through the window, she finally came to a conclusion. Surprisingly, man wasn't sneaking to a bars but somewhere out of town. She had probably hoped for something else. Because this rumors didn't sound as spicy as they might have. But at least she learned some of the truth that was unknown to others. And if it weren't for her old, sick legs that slowly refused to obey her, she would certainly have known more of it.

Not really bothered by older woman's remarks, you focused on Yuanwu himself and headed to a pointed direction. It was getting dark outside so you wanted to find him as soon as possible.

There was only one path leading in the given way, not really awell-trodden one, but you recognized it immediately. It led to a small forest where you and your father used to collect leaves for brews. You remembered this place well thanks to a small wooden woodcutter's hut. Once... magical and cozy. Now... rather abandoned and falling.

You tilted your head to the side pleasantly surprised. There was a smoke coming from a chimney, which suggested someone's presence.

Yuanwu - you thought with hope and rushed to the door hastily knocking.

Nothing.

You repeated.

Still nothing.

Exactly as if he was hoping for you to think that no one was here and leave.

-Yuanwu, I know you are there. Please open up. Let's talk.

Silence.

You growled in disappointment and banged your fist onto a door.

-Yuanwu, please-

You whimpered.

-I won't leave until I find out why you ran out like a scalded cat. I know that we may never have gotten to know each other more deeply, but I've managed to really like you and I can't imagine us suddenly stopping talking. I can't imagine my days at work without you by my side- I-.... -you spoke pleadingly until you heard a quiet rustling.

Your eyes lit up. You took a step back.

Locks in doors clicked. Rotten planks shifted with weight.

Through a small crack you saw a wasted face of Yuanwu. Dark circles stung your heart.

-Just hurry.

He swung the door open, letting you inside.

With each of your movements, a cloud of dust rose in the air. You coughed, chasing away an unwelcome gray particles.

Finally, you were able to get a better look at him. He was hunched over and drenched in sweat. Exhausted as if he hadn't slept for a week. With his right hand, he held up a small oil lamp, and with his left, he pressed tighter to his chest a thick blanket that wrapped around him like a coat.

Yuanwu carefully put down on a small table the only source of light besides a fireplace and threw himself onto the old mattress located right next to him on icy floor.

You moved toward the windows, wishing to brighten the room with more light thanks to a rising moon.

-No!

You heard a desperate scream and instantly turned towards man.

-Just... please don't.

-O-okay?

You took slow, uncertain steps to curled up Yuanwu. You weren't sure what had just happened, but his condition definitely scared you. The only thing you thought about was helping him, but you didn't really know how.

Seeing that he wasn't reacting badly to your closeness, you crouched down and gently placed your hand on his shoulder. He shuddered. But didn't push you away. So you allowed yourself to gently massage his arm through a pile of old rags.

-Are you all right? Did someone hurt you? Just tell me what I can do to help you-

-Everything is all right. Nothing has happened. I'm just-… ill. And I need some space - he was speaking calmly in a weak voice- And about… That. Do not worry. You know that sometimes I haven't visited you for a while, but I always came back. Now I will also be back. Just not today… And maybe not tomorrow - he laughed bitterly- But the day after tomorrow I will definitely return, for you to once again try to push something in me that is not a Bittberry Tea. Everything will be the same as before. Of course, as long as you still want to keep in touch with me - he reflected.

-Of course I want to! - you protested- After all, that's why I'm here. But that doesn't explain anything-

-Good. -he smiled slightly- But now you should go. There is no time-

-What? I'm not going anywhere-

-No, really. I don't know why, but it's much worse this time-

-What's worse?

-That's-... not important! Please. Go

-No way, I'm not going anywhere until I know what this is all about

Yuanwu shuddered again. This time harder. As if some strange force threw his body. He curled into a ball and gripped his ears to cut off all the loud sounds.

-Yuanwu? -you whispered- Please, say what's-...

-Too late.

A shiver went through your spine. Something in those words and his tone made your blood run cold. But you still didn't move away. On the contrary, you covered him with your body and hugged tightly.

Yuanwu began to shuffle and pull away. But you were stronger, more desperate.

-Let go! I will hurt you - he groaned with difficulty, before his voice got replaced with loud growls and screams of pain.

Agony, as if someone was tearing him apart.

-Not a chance

You gripped him even tighter. Squeezed your eyes shut and waited.

You thought it was just an ordinary convulsionof person in fever. That it would pass soon.

Until it didn't. Until his limbs began to bend in different directions. Until blankets began to tear. Until you felt rough hairs under your fingers.

Something like… fur?

You felt a punch. With a loud thump you fell on the floor. He pushed you away.

More gasps, groans. Cries in indescribable pain.

Finally, a loud howl.

You pulled yourself up, trying to sit up. You rubbed your eyes and looked ahead.

You couldn't believe in what you were seeing.

In front of you, there was a hunched over Yuanwu. Or at least someone who looked like him. He was bigger. More muscular. Naked. But not quite. His torn clothes were replaced by silvery fur, similar to his natural hair color.

You weren't sure what you had just experienced.

Yuanwu looked at you with a frightened and troubled gaze. His eyes, though currently more of a predator than Yuanwu himself, showed a fearful look. Scared of being judged.

-What-… -you quickly corrected yourself- who-…. who are you?

Yuanwu whimpered, letting out the first tears.

You ran out of breath. Why- why was he crying?

-I know that I am a monster. But please, please, can you not leave me? -he threw out pleadingly in a moment of weakness.

Who had hurt him so much to bring such a large, reserved man to this state?

-Please?

His breaking voice tore your heart.

You didn't think twice. You pushed back in a sudden surge of energy and once again threw yourself with a hug on Yuanwu. Your Yuanwu.

You didn't wait for explanations. You didn't need assurances. You didn't even think that Yuanwu could hurt you.

The only thing you wanted to do at that moment, in all this chaos, was to keep him safe.

BONUS:

Liuxian Teahouse was famous for its openness to all four-legged friends. Yuanwu knew this very well, and that's why at first he chose exactly that teahouse.

Whenever he was there he didn't miss a chance to feed his beloved cats. And each time this happened, it greatly amused you. Whenever man approached bowls, cats hissed jumped straight and ran away in a hurry. Leaving Yuanwu with a disappointed look.

However, he never gave up. Poured food to the brim and removed himself into the shadows.

Whenever he left, animals returned. And he, sipping hot tea at the bar, dreamily admired the fluffy creatures who happily ate.

In the past, you were truly fascinated with the idea of cats disliking such a kind man.

Now you knew their secret.

[stxneflxwers]

unpalatable.

⋯⁂ summary. suffering with disordered eating, you try your best to brush it off as being picky (as many others in your life have done before.) but, your beloved doesn't think it's mere pickiness anymore.

⋯⁂ a/n. short and sweet post here; so im not really worried about small grammar errors, word count, formatting, or what have you. i just need to get this icky feeling off my mind, ok? for the record as well: i'm writing all of this on tumblr post editor and not in gdocs like i normally do. so there's gonna be things lacking compared to my normal, "formal" works.

⋯⁂ characters. neuvillette. zhongli. wriothesley. gn reader.

⋯⁂ cw. reader has disordered eating (this is different from eating disorders, pls read further about it online if you want/must!) reader has poor self-esteem. characters being very very sweet. fluff. might be some hurt/comfort and panic. reader's weight is NOT described. there might be occasional OOC moments, but i tried my best to avoid it lol.

neuvillette.

he doesn't think anything of it at first. he understands the life of being..."picky" as some so rudely put it. he prefers his foods very moisturized, any dryness can be too much for his senses at times (most of the time.) the texture when it comes to something dry or even spicy can be very unpleasant; he swears if he ate sandpaper, that's what it'd taste and feel like.

when he starts noticing the worse..."quirks" about your eating habits, he's not sure how to word his concerns to you. he gets around to it and he can only hope he isn't too horribly late about it. he isn't, but he feels like he's late to saying something anyway.

once you both talk it over, he's already helping out. even if he's not quite sure exactly what he's doing. he's the type to fill your head and heart with sweet reassurances and even sweeter praises for doing your best, his smiles are the sweetest treat of all when he tells you these things, though.

even if he's stiff or awkward about the subject and tackling the problem at the root, he's as supportive as he can be. although, don't mistake this support as letting you get away without eating for long periods of time. he can and will pester you frequently about whether you've properly ate (and hydrated) recently. do your best to not damage his lover, alright?

zhongli.

believe it or not, he entirely gets the feeling of uneasiness and the occasional nausea behind a lot of dishes. fish is his worst enemy, for starters. his species doesn't really require tons of food to live off of, unlike your average human. so, when he first started "indulging" in more human dishes, he soon discovered what a gag reflex was. he won't admit to it, but he really hated it back then.

of course, that was so many centuries ago. he's adjusted fine enough to more dishes these days. and when you tell him about your struggles with eating, you initially write it off as you being childish.

he thinks not.

he doesn't let you get away with calling yourself childish—or any sort of derogatory statement that spits out of your mouth.

his hand slides up to yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze. and a promise that he'll do his absolute best to help you conquer these problems with food and eating. even when you start to branch out and eat a bit more than you usually do, he feels so proud of you.

he gives you a shining smile, a peck to the forehead, and holds your sweet, cute face with his big hands; while also filling your mind with praises and affirmations about how well you're doing so far. he loves you so dearly, don't push him away.

wriothesley.

you try your absolute best to hide it from him, the man who is maybe the least bothered by most foods. at least, the one man from fontaine, that is. he really doesn't care too much about what he's eating, as long as it's edible. call it a habit from being an orphan. of course, he has his preferences, but who doesn't?

so, when he catches you eating less or being a little too selective (he's observant enough, don't test him), he brings it up right away in private—he makes sure it's with only you two in the room. he'll ask if you're feeling sick or anything lately, promising you that sigewinne can help out.

when you skirt around the subject, he pouts just a little. it's enough to get you to break down in front of him. you call yourself some nasty things over being rather selective about food, feeling incompetent and weird compared to him.

and he really can't believe what he's hearing at first.

his icy eyes go wide and he blinks on repeat like a broken record. he's still registering what you just said about yourself—his darling cutie. he smiles bittersweetly and shakes his head, it's the most he can muster at first. he's still in disbelief.

your heart sinks into the depths of your gut at the response, burning alive and leaving behind literal heartburn in your throat. before you can leave the room, he scurries up behind you and wraps his arms around you, imprisoning you in the softest way.

he tells you he'll help out if you want it and allow him to, mentioning that he hates to see you suffer. he gives you a loving but tight squeeze (one that's perhaps a little suffocating.) he promises to you to help you suffer, at least, less than before.

he loves you too much to see you in any type of pain, external or internal.

you're a prisoner of your own mind while also a cruel warden to yourself. and if it's the last thing he'll ever do, he swears he'll change at least that much.

[sykosixx]

july 9th 2005

(via pete wentz livejournal)

-typed out below the cut + my thoughts

i think the motto of my life could be "think negatively, when has thinking the worst ever lead to a disappointment?" late nights and even later kisses. i'm throwing writers blocks hoping to break down the wall between us just to get a word in, but inspiration has ran drier in my throat and bloodstream than the air we try to breathe in every day. in a room we decorated with "could haves" and "wanted to's", i'm with you and we're alone, but it feels like it's just me. maybe i'm just pretending you're here, it's how i get to sleep when i do get to sleep. sleep is a bad habit i'm dying to try. i don't like guessing once let alone second guessing myself. you're inches away and still out of reach. we're not even on the same page. i suddenly wish i could have been a brain surgeon just to figure out what was going on in your head. or a psychologist, just to get a glimpse.

when i can't see (through) you it drives me insane and i break at every light of your cigarette, i wanna know what you're thinking but bad news is old news. now i don't know what's thicker, the tension or my skull... but i've still memorized every possible sound you make while breathing out. i seriously can't breathe so i'll let you do it for me - a new meaning to 'you take my breath away', i don't know why it was given to me in the first place. our eyes meet and i remember and kick myself for forgetting at/it all. i'm making things up just to have more guests at my pityparty. pretending i'd be given a chance when boys like me lose them anyway. yet here i am. and there you are.

people try to figure me/you/us out, but we don't even have it down yet. they can spend hours writing up all my mistakes but the pen couldn't touch you. so you can calculate how this is all adding up and subtracting years off my life. i'm more worried about how it's dividing us apart. girls are harder to figure out than algebra - yet people still try to do it. the one thing i've found is i don't want to lose her. i'm tripping over words and falling in love. i told her i would have bought her the prettiest flowers but she'd make them look ugly in comparison. she laughed and probably figured i was just being cheap again, but i was being serious.

as far as anything else goes, i'll definitely update about it later, but this one is definitely for you. if you ever question my love i'll answer it, i love you.

xxoo

NOTE FROM AL: i think it's funny how often i see this entry overlooked. obviously it's not the iconic Fourth of July 2005 one (god even in your songs, could you be more obvious) (follow up, while looking back through PW old livejournal, i saw "i miss when people didnt know who i was posting abt in erly 2006),, ANYWAYS july 9th! 5 days after 04/07/2005, aka hes gotta still be talking about the same person ie; mikey fuckin way. "you're inches away and still out of reach." oh god the pining after this emotionally unavailable man. the "girl" stuff comes so late and looks too forced imo- anyways, you get the point, petekey 4 lyfe and better off as lover. NOT the other way around or whatever the summer of like insinuates.

idk dawgz, maybe ya boi needs 2 go 2 bed. feel free 2 refute me im too tired 4 this shit. oh yeah + i made a livejournal if any1 still uses that- it was just 2 sketch out emo losers cryptic + painfully obvioous messages but yahoo! mayb ill actually do smth w it.

[beddybites]

Do yiu have any tips on like how to attract more attention 😭 it's been a good while and it's a huge struggle of keeping motivation and not so amazing art so it's hard to sure my characters and their stories bc one thing a can say in confidence is I am a good writer I'd like to think, people tell me I have and oddly good but cryptic way of writing that keeps people enthralled, but my biggest struggle is getting them interested in the first place 😭

hi there!! i admittedly dont really know much about the world of writing and how to gain more attention there, but i can try to give tips and see what applies & sticks!

start off short & simple and build it up over time

if you start off with something big and complicated there will be more pressure to keep things big and complicated. theres nothing wrong with short and simple and mixing it up here & there (ie with art: if you only post full pieces with extravagant rendering people will keep expecting it. mix it up a bit. i try posting a variety of sketches and doodles and more detailed things— sometimes some things do better than others and thats ok!

it is 100% okay to repost/reblog your own work

if you ever see me spamming my blog with the same posts, its so i have it back on peoples feeds and on my main profile and its easier for people to find. its also likely that some ppl missed the post, and reblogging/reposting gives them the opportunity to see it!!

something something “its cringe and egotistical” WRONG!!!!!!!!!! its completely normal for creators to repost their content and it may help a lot!!

short & sweet descriptons

when you post, avoid giant paragraphs of text, especially if you’re including art in the post. people will be distracted and will see a giant post and just scroll past it

speaking of descriptions, try using trendy words and notable names

its kinda like hashtagging. if you look at my posts you’ll typically see how i will drop people’s full names + include the word “art” or “doodle” … this is because it will more likely show up on someones feed if said person looks up the same words.

ie: googling “muichiro tokito art” -> insert my post popping up because it has “muichiro tokito art” written out in the description

i admittedly have trouble providing tips as someone who doesnt rlly understand how i got noticed to begin with haha. something something imposter syndrome or whatever they call it these days… so im not really sure if anything above helps, but this is stuff i typically try to keep in mind when i post with the intent of trying to get people to see it

more importantly—

i know this is cheesy and this is easier said than done (i have this habit too a lot of the time) but numbers does not equal ur worth or talent. i know it isnt motivating and it can be so heartbreaking): but even if ur stuff doesnt get a lot of notoriety please know it doesnt define your value . this may sound like gibberish as it is 5 am as im posting this but truly… never give up on ur work!!! i promise u someone out there loves it

im more well known for my deaging & fluff content and to this day im rlly shocked it blew up the way it did. i really made it for myself. i came up with a whole alias and didnt plan on posting it anywhere bc i was so scared ppl would hate it and harass me or nobody would gaf. but eventually i was just like Man. if this thing helps me then maybe it can help someone out there too. and it helped provide ppl some joy & wonder and whimsy & made them feel seen and truly thats all i could ever want…

its difficult and its hard but i promise u… be patient and kind to yourself. it can definitely be hard sharing things around and getting that exposure you need but there are ways for sure. some journeys are faster than others and thats ok!

again sorry if this is all gibberish its super late ): but i hope this could help in some way shape or form

[the-s1lly-corner]

not sure if you have done something like this before but can you do one where the reader is the type to call everyone pet names? Kind of like Caine does, like "my dear", "darling", stuff like that

TADC cast x reader who calls them pet names!

ooouuugh characters who call people names of endearment habitually my beloved <33 gotta be one of my favorite genres of character; side eyes itward and dick knubbler and caine unrelated to everything im so mad it took me so long to listen to psycho teddy ive literally had it on loop all day and yesterday while i write RAAAAAAAH romantic leaning by the way! though some can be platonic if you squint, i think!!

CAINE:

honestly i think caine only calls people endearing names platonically and on occasion, but i think you calling him the same style of names it makes his habit more prevalent. i think the first time you call him something like dear, hon, or darling, he kind of does a double take. i mean, hes always the one saying names, but hes never really... been the one on the receiving end... now im not sure if you wanted this to be platonic or romantic, but i think regardless of which this one is; caine loves it and makes it known. you guys experiment to see which names are his favorite eheeh

POMNI:

i think it would take her some time to get used. i think the main reason she didnt really react to caine calling her those names was due to the shock, just to add some explanation for this post in particular on why she didnt seem to mind... i think if there were any names that made her uncomfortable, she would let you know! does eventually embrace it and probably asks if somethings wrong if you call her by her actual name

RAGATHA:

honestly i can easily see ragatha using terms of endearment for those shes close to (like in a general sense, not just familial or romantically) and i can also see her being a huge fan of being called them! i dont think shes been bold enough to ask to be called them, though, so when you just call her dear and love shes over the moon! probably makes a matching name for you! you become to darling to her dear, the bear to her honey, the sweetheart to her sweetpea, and so on and so forth. i just think... that would be really sweet... you know?

JAX:

calls you a really dumb name in response; like shnookums or something within that ballpark. honestly i think it depends on how you say it, when you say it, and how close you guys are when you call him any endearing name. personally i dont think jax likes public affections, since he kind of views it as vulnerability.... at least when hes on the receiving end. bro is weird like that, you know? only lets you call them any of those names behind closed doors.... thinks... surprises you one day by calling you a normal nickname... since usually its the above example or something completely out of no where like. "Mesopotamia" or "20 ton semi truck carrying 720 thunder fucking pounds of freight" or something just as hyper specific

KINGER:

oh i think he would love it a lot! probably calls you a name back in response, perhaps even one that matches; similar to what ragatha does! maybe its because hes old and he gives off nice dad/grandpa vibes, i can see him calling people that he cares about names of endearment (hes only 48)

thinks... though i do think he pauses the first time trying to process what you just called him.. takes him a few seconds before realizing. kind of like the "oh IM pretty boy!" audio but replace pretty boy with any name

ZOOBLE:

i think zooble is the only one who doesnt like endearing names; like i think in a romantic sense they would like it but only really like babe/baby, and not much else... very picky with what they do like, at least for this instance. definitely going to take some experimenting to see what sticks and what doesnt. funny little scenario but imagine sitting with them trying to find something they like and you call them something absolutely abhorrent, perhaps something akin to the "pookie bear with whipped cream and sprinkles on top" meme but WAAAAAY over the top and zooble just. "absolutely not."

not too mean to harsh with rejecting any names, though. but they are blunt about what they do and dont like

GANGLE:

honestly if this isnt romantic and this is platonic, she sees it the same way as when an older lady calls you a sweet name,... you know? does the ^w^ she does in her character intro short thing, me thinks, whenever you call her any name. very shy and sheepish about calling you any names in return, give her some time shes trying to hype herself up so she can return the same energy! only really likes it when you call her those endearing names, i fear that SOMEONE is going to tease her for it... poor girl.... explodes jax with my neurodivergant brain

[solaceintimeandspace]

the journal

i've been bullet journaling in an a5 leuchtturm1917 for 4 years now. i feel very happy with the system i put in place, and i've taken to decorating it heavily this past year. i have a basic calendar view, with a direction of notes that doesn't make sense. i often repeat what i've written in my weekly spreads here, but it gives me a a nice overview of the whole month. i do feel and organise myself in months, so this is the best layout for me.

i track 25 habits because i don't want to lose sight of what i'm doing, i track what i eat because i don't want to be mistaken about what i consume, i track how im feeling because i know i will forget.

i also list my "commonplacing" entries, they're simply what i write down in my book where everything goes. this list does not include the more visceral stuff that i sometimes purge in a mess book that's structured like a puzzle. these writings are on my archive though. i also keep short overviews of what happened during the day.

i also track what i listen to, watch and read, who i have talked to, what i was interested in, and good things. at the end of the month, i write a retrospective, trying to look back on what i did and what consequences it has on present me going into the new month.

my week layouts are used for planning, but mainly archiving and quick journaling, so i don't forget. i decorate them with pictures that spoke to me as they help me anchor what i wrote with an image i will remember, even if it has nothing to do with the events i write about.

i've bought an a5 hobonichi cousin for next year, and it worries me somehow. i want to commonplace and journal in the a5, making it an archive of sorts -- but i know it's going to be difficult to get used to this new structure and system. i will likely end up buying a new leuchtturm but this time with grid paper. if anyone else is worried about getting comfortable in a new book next year, i'm with you, *please give me your tips, i will die*.

bonus: i use the hobonichi cover i bought for my cousin, and i fill it up with little pictures. i put them together from my pinterest boards and then print them out at a print shop. i should buy a printer, but these days i'm short on money. i just use them for personal use, so i don't reference them, but maybe i should if i take pictures of my pages and post them here? i'm not sure.

anyway, this was my neverending rambling about my journaling system. if you have questions or comments please fire away. i'll likely make a post about what months are what color to me and show you some other spreads from other months that i liked soon.

cheers ✸

[crowleys-hips]

ventish post

i feel like i sort of ceased to exist since july. i felt a blow nearly as hard as one i felt 4 years ago when i lost someone who's still very dear to me. and since then stuff has just kept happening and happening and happening and i stopped writing my novel and fell back on old bad habits and it really has felt like an exile of sorts. i've expressed it better in some of my poems, both GO and non GO, but that's just the tip of the iceberg tbh.

and i didn't even notice when, but i've recently realized that i also sort of stopped reading, when i used to read every day, all the time. now i sometimes manage to read maybe a short one shot. idk what's happened to me, but i feel like i've lost a huge part of me and years of my youth. like a christian finding out jesus' body has recently been found. or worse, like he never existed. and now it's hard to know where to put my faith in. i guess the right answer should be myself. but i've never known how to live for myself alone. but i want to learn. otherwise this will keep happening. and i know i should go back to therapy, but i feel like im too sick for therapy, if that makes sense.

anyway, my point is that, im really trying to get back on my feet. try to really exist again. act like a human and not fall back on my ghost tendencies. but everything is so overwhelming, like there's so much to do i end up not doing any of it. i stare at all my unread books and fics ive saved for later and im afraid later won't ever come. like i'll never catch up. and it kills me. bc i want to know more of all these brilliant minds, but ive been buried under the rubble of my dreams. im a writer who's forgotten how to read. im an artist who's forgotten how to hold a pen. a musician who now only stares at the piano longingly. my plants are dying and i let them. i want myself back, and i really am trying, but most of the time it feels like i go one step forward and three steps back. i just don't know how to deal with so much death without feeling like i also died. im trying so hard to dig myself out, and prove im not dead yet, but i keep falling asleep, and haunting my own dreams. but im fucking trying. i swear i am.

finally did some watering and pruning yesterday. started a painting and failed miserably but at least now i know what to not do. didn't drink for two nights in a row. my streak was 2 and 1/2 months lol. still writing poems, trying to write more again. i got today free, so i think i'll use today to just let myself read again and try not to feel guilty that "i'm not doing anything" bc i am. watching this fandom's great supportive, caring, and positive attitude has helped. and ofc my dearest friends and my beloved. despite everything, im glad i found this place.

[firemenenthusiast]

UGH FAWKK tumblr did it again omgg, I swearrr they have it out for us cuz this literally ONLY happens with you 😭. Tbf I use the browser version and is probably worse than the mobile lowkey and why its so wonky sometimes, and I absolutely REFUSEE to do tumblr on my laptop it's probably the supreme way but I just can't do it I can't STANDD how it looks in there. BUT ANYWAYSSS, you're soooo welcomee and thank you! 💗💗💗 Seriously this means sooo much to me 🥹🥹 like omg, especially since you were the main one got me onto tumblr. I've always known about it obvi but I was mostly a surface level lurker for years (not counting the couple of accounts that I created over the years, used for like 5 minutes, and then abandoned lol), I think it was just something about tumblr intimated me maybe it was the ui or something idk 🤷🏾‍♀️. But you were literally the first person that I had EVER actually sent a request or anything to and made me give tumblr a chance. And I'm glad I did otherwise I wouldn't have been in such a small but kind and tightnit community with such amazing people, and even other fandoms big or small ☺️<333. Ive always wanted to participate and interact with other fans of shows/movies/etc but was always too scared and shy to do it. I do feel bad though cuz Archie and his characters have been put in the backburner in my brain for my newest obsession: DEGRASSIII so I haven't checked in on you guys in a good while 😓 (side note: I'm currently watching the og degrassi first but I've been trying to buy the degrassi next gen dvds cuz I LOVEEE collecting physical media and lemme tell you IM LEGIT FIGHTING FOR MY LIFEEE MAN. I either can't find any, their on some sketchy website, sold out, terrible conditions, missing disks, going 300+ for the full collection, or some other bullshit. And when I FINALLY found a few decent box sets for a slightly expensive but decent price EBAY WOULDN'T LET ME FUCKING BUY THEMM LIKE I CAN NEVER CATCH A DAMN BREAK)

You can just call me jj btw!!! Sorry for the rambling, VERY bad habit lol, but yeah ily sooo much pookie and I'll always keep supporting you and everyone!! You da bestMWAHHH

HEY JJ !!! AH IVE MISSED YOUUUU im so glad you actually came back and talk to me again. and oh im using the mobile for talks and updates and notifs get lost A LOT. i always miss when you guys say anything as if its not enough that i always miss when you guys are active 😀💔. i totally get you about the intimidating ui cuz thats what i feel about the desktop version. especially those blogs that are sooo pretty and decorated like ACTUAL blogs i feel like they could tell i know how to do NONE of that 😭.

you could always participate girly !! and talk to others on here i can say theyre all so chill and if anyone is mean to you im gonna act the big sister cuz why would they be ?? this fandom is small enough without anyone bullying others off of it. and i love how our community is so small and so close and it feels like a friend group. if it makes you feel better this is my first actual writing blog too !! i wasn’t always a writer but you guys are so supportive that i actually want to publish my writing.

when u said im the first person you’ve ever sent anything ever on here i legit went like ☹️☹️ cuz LITTLE OL’ ME ??? i just want everyone to feel warm and welcomed to talk to me. i WANT you to talk to me. tumblrs honestly an amazing place cuz everyones so nice and supportive ❤️❤️ you dont have to be shy at all. there’s this one time months ago when archie wouldn’t post ANYTHING and without new materials it was hard for me to get inspired for anything so i totally get why archie’s been on the back burner for you. good news is lurkers coming so !!

so excited for your current obsession though tbh ive never heard of it hehe. but !! here’s a little some some from me :)

[ali11125]

god i really should post something here before my blog disappears into obscurity

um um um

KING OF SOPH FLUFF WIP

before you ask: no i have not proof read this, yes i wrote this about 2 months ago and havent read it since, no i will never finish it cause its a shitty plot in an au i don't give 2 shits about, yes nothing makes sense because i was probably high when i wrote this, no i dont even remember what happens, no this is not a testament to my general writting style i was trying something different and it failed, please let this flop, yes this entire thing is "he would not fucking say that" but also im new to fandoms/fanfic writing, can you tell im nervous to post this?

CW: none

Word Count: 1,062

The snow as it hits the ground

The gentle snowfall in the Kingdom of Skill was never something surprising, yet to Brent it was always a nice welcome to the day. While the cold was never his favorite, he could never deny the elegance a fresh coating of snow brought to the kingdom. Or perhaps he favored the way snowflakes gently whisked to the ground, or maybe it was the found memories he had with his family before-

A gentle knock stopped him from finishing that thought. Slowly, he rose from his perch at the window sill, and walked over to answer the door who's knocking never stopped. He pressed his hand against the door as he opened, making sure to do it as slowly as possible–it had become a habit to do so for whatever reason. Well he knew the reason, he just didn’t want to admit it.

As soon as he saw it to be Sophist, he opened the door fully, a warm smile crossing his face without his command to. He knew Sophist was never fond of the snow, if anything he actively hated the cold. Though anytime he pressed for answers all he got was “some shit in my past,” which just had to be as vague as possible. Before Brent could truly question it Sophist welcomed himself into Brent’s room, plopping himself on his bed as the complaints came in immediately. “Bro why does it have to be snowing, now I can’t get anything done.” The annoyance in his tone was undeniable, though maybe a bit of sarcasm was sprinkled in.

Brent gave a slight chuckle at the absurdity of it. “It’s literally only like two inches, it's not even that bad.” Sopshit chose not to take the easy jab at the lude joke Brent set him up for, instead responding to the comment with an answer he knew Brent already learned, “Well I can’t go to my observatory cause its snowing, plus its like super cold in there, and you know I don’t like the cold.” 

“You’re living in the Kingdom of Skill, it snows like every week.”

“Doesn’t mean I like it,” he replied, a bit too sly.

Brent sighed. He was getting nowhere with this. He walked over to his bed, taking a seat behind Sophist letting his head rest on his lap as Brent ran his hand through his hair. A comforting silence filled the room. Brent never minded these moments, he actually found them quite comforting. It was a warm reminder it wasn’t just those snippets of dialogues he fell for. It was the person behind those. A slight blush brushed his cheeks.

He could tell Sophist didn’t think the exact same. He nervously scratched at his wrist, eyes never quite landing in one spot as they jumped around the ceiling, sometimes stealing a little glance at Brent as he still stroked his hair, though that never lasted for more than a moment. 

Brent finally let Sophist out of his misery, killing the silence with a question he asked countless times before, “Why do you hate the snow so much?” Finally his eyes landed on Brent, staring at him blankly–maybe he was looking for something, or maybe it just took him a second to process the question–before snapping back to his fidgety state and answering the question, “Told ya some shit that happened, like, ten years ago.”

“What happened?” Brent’s eyes never left his own hands, them running through Sophist’s hair must have been the most interesting things. Sophist’s nails dug deeper into his skin, his mind seemingly unaware of the stim. His eyes never held still for more than a few moments, constantly glancing at Brent’s expression now definitely trying to find something. The silence, this time, made both uneasy. Brent interjecting, deciding to give Sophist an out this time, “-that is if you’re comfortable to share. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Oh how badly he wanted Sophist to tell him, yet he gave a reassuring sympathetic look instead of conveying it. He would never force his boyfriend to confess something he wasn’t ready to. (..Right?)

“I don’t know it was just,” He struggled to find the right word. He looked a bit more directly at Brent–at least he was making an effort. His eyes were never allowed to hold eye contact with his boyfriend for longer than a split second. “-It was just something. I don’t think I can explain it.” 

Brent hummed for a second before remembering he should actually say something, finally shifting his gaze to give a simple smile at Sophist as he spoke, “It’s ok, you can tell me whenever you’re ready.”

Both slipped back into the makeshift routine they so quickly fell into this position, neither truly wanting this moment to end, but both wanted something slightly more. 

Brent let the moment linger for a bit longer before readying himself. He let his hands slip out of Sophist hair–he so badly didn’t want to– and leaned back a bit, using his now free hands to brace himself. Sophist finally looked at Brent for longer than a few moments, trying to read what was on his mind. 

Brent finally spoke up, “Look listen we don’t have to if you don’t want to, but do you want to go outside, just for like, 15 minutes? Just me and you in the castle garden.” Sophist definitely wasn’t expecting that. His eyes immediately looked to the sheets surrounding him, this time tightening his grip on his wrist. 

The words came out of his mouth before he could tell them to not, “Um sure.” Fuck what was he getting himself into? Welp he was in too deep now. “But only for the 15 minutes.” 

Brent immediately perked up, his eyes scanning over Sophist’s face, surprised this stubborn ass man was actually agreeing to it. “Wait really?”

“Eh fuck it really don’t care right now,” Sophsit sat up as he tried to act not terrified. He stood up grabbing his hat and cap he hung at Brent’s chair when he first came in. “Now stop just sitting there before I take it back,” fake confidence was covering the statement, he just hoped Brent wouldn’t notice. Brent took the hint and, seemingly in a rush, jumped out of his bed to grab his own cape, joining Sophist by his side as the two walked outside.

[aikohellscape]

Hiiii huge fan of your stuff!

Just wanna say that I love all your art(seriously you draw Pietro so pretty😍)and your fics!!

LALFAW is so coollll

(drop chapter 20 and my life is yours lol)

Also, I just wanna ask you a question what other X men ships besides nightsilver do you like?



o(˶^▾^˶ )o thank you!!! I have a lot of fun drawing Pietro I need to draw him more often honestly I’m working on having consistency cuz I’m very inconsistent. This gives me an excuse to talk about my art ideas and the one drawing that’s been haunting me for like 2 weeks. I redrew there faces like 10 times each bro. None of them consistent at all!! It’s not even done I’m just loosing steam on finishing it smh.

Here’s my current idea list that I occasionally update not everything will get done but the idea has been written down so it could happen ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

AHHHHHH im working on chapter 20 a lot of stuff happened (the ao3 author note about to be crazy) so it got held up but right now its almost 12k words im doing editing i have a bad habit of really using “like” and i hate that so im trying to trim it out. I swear it’ll be worth the wait it’s got a lot of lore.

Oh my god! So many!!! I am a multi shipper and honestly since I’m mainly in this niche nightsilver from X-men evolutions all of my ships center around that version of the X-men. Tho in the broader X-men universe Logan/Deadpool, Scott/Logan, and only recently Erik/Xavier but not really because I despise Magneto too much, I’m still so mad they gave that sick fuck a redemption arc but not the kids he abused and abandoned. I will never forgive Evolution for that.

I’m deep in Todd/Lance right not if you can’t tell from the several times I posted them in tandem. I have commissioned them as a pair a lot so I can write fics around them I’ll post those soon.

I also love Todd/Kurt but in an angsty unrequited love kinda a way.

Tabitha/Pietro kinda grew on me recently I feel like they have flirty personalities that would mix very well trying not to write flirty subtext for them in my fic was hard. I feel like Tabitha would call Pietro babe to get under his skin and then he’d mock her back with it and now it’s just something they call each other.

Scott/Jean is classic and I like hurting them. Setting them up for a breakup is my favorite genre for them I’m even working on a comic about it how Scott’s idealization of Jean corrupts there relationship and they can never work out so he has to leave or they’ll never be happy.

Kitty/Lance but only when I can use it as a plot device. I generally don’t care for this ship too much but they’re objectively cute.

Hear me out Scott/Tabitha?!? Am I crazy?!? Maybe I am but I see it, Tabitha’s this bossy reckless wild force and Scott clocked that immediately when she’s introduced he even warns Kurt but someone’s gotta melt his self control and let out his own reckless side.

Anyway thanks for liking my stuff (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

[single-malt-scotch]

Bdubs' speech patterns & quirks

i made a post a while back about Bdubs' typing habits and ya know what. ill be a little stupid obsessed and unhinged again and do this one. might be useful for fics.

been watching this man from day one and im trying to throw together everything i can in my head. he really hasnt changed that much if we arent considering a shift of humor and energy-- but i will regard it at certain points for clarity of how his speech is handled.

General speech pattern

Through time Bdubs has gained more energy in his voice, and more confidence in how he speaks as a person presenting in his videos. But he still has his quirks, quirks that have remained forever.

biggest one. There is a big habit of stuttering in some sense. Either on the same words with the intended phrase:

Example: "You-- you don't- you don't understand!"

or a phrase that is altered during the stutter:

Example: "Yeah but-- you-- I don't think you get it..."

They aren't the stutters people default to in most cases (no "y-yes" "i th-thought.." etc-- in *some* cases you can throw this in but i suggest the bigger ones and never make it too frequent).

Theyre long and very obviously, and make him take longer to get his words out. sometimes it cuts his train of thought and he stops his sentences, maybe even starts over entirely.

in addition to that, bdubs also cuts words in a way i think most people will- goin', gonna, thinkin' etc. however at times he will enunciate the whole word for effect (plays into his "exaggeration" described below)

With his awkward pacing and stumbling, there are times where he fumbles and might say something in a "weird" way. sometimes, it becomes purposeful! he'll keep doing it when its funny, but you can tell its more of a slip than on purpose at first. there are far too many examples of this, but its obvious that he picked up the funny way of saying 'hermitcraft' on purpose at a certain point, for example. this may be hard to get across in writing however and its not as important.

bdubs loves to exaggerate. personality wise, hes like this obviously. and it plays into how he talks. boisterous is the best word. dont be afraid to go hard on the exclamation points or question marks! "!!" and "??" may describe what you want when you need to imply more of his noise.

Exclamations, regarding swearing

Bdubs doesnt swear anymore, but its worth addressing it, in context to what... replaces it, in a sense. or if youre writing something based in the years when he did swear.

Lets get one thing straight. bdubs does not say fuck. like, even back when he swore. there may have been some very light instances of words slipping (the old video where he completely bleeped out his words may have likely had that) but it is not how he spoke on the regular.

bdubs' most used 'bad' words were "damn", not as often "ass". he used a lot of 'safe' words-- shoot, crap (crapper, directed at someone/thing), frick (fricker, directed at someone/thing), dang ('dang man'), freaking (this is exclaimed very strong when it comes up, as if he was saying "fucking". comment phrase "very freaking funny!")....

these are the most frequent choices. id say bdubs has the capability of more swears, but it would be a last resort/under extreme duress.

Other notable phrases

Some of these fall under 'exclamations' at times, but i wanted to address the phrases he says in response to things, one subject is what people like him say in place of things like "oh god". you can see this in some hermits too, but bdubs does not say "oh (my) god". there is no exclamation of "god" when he needs to say something like this.

some are more or less frequent in the overall timeline, but you will likely hear...

"judas priest!" "oh goodness!" "oh jeez/jeezer!" if there is any phrase regarding god its a sorta "dont use the lord's name in vain" situation. none of the "oh god" stuff.

in terms of other frequent phrases,

"Trying my heart out/off" pops up a lot, and it means that he is trying hard at something whilst also saying he is 'putting his whole heart into it'.

Older/less frequent these days:

the good ol 'pet names'. it is/was never a super frequent thing (that bdubs/etho ooge video was surprisingly frequent...) "sweetheart" is most likely, "baby" but not always in a 'pet name' way, just a casual word to throw out at nothing. might get a "darlin'" in there too. the instance of calling someone specific those things is not super common, but still important to note.

a final notable one is "boy", directed at others in a more like. jokingly stern way. "What are you doin' boy?" a direct aim at a person, perhaps in a (joking) accusatory way at times? (wanted to comment there was an early ooge instance where etho picked it up as well lol). and imo i saw this way more in the early days, less so now.

Conclusion

bdubs has a variety of expressions in his speech. generally very relaxed and sometimes even careless, hes not tryin to focus too hard on every word he speaks. which is only natural! imo i think his personality is what affects this more than anything. hes silly, extroverted, and acts first.

his 'loudness' and stutter is important and it can be hard to express through words. outside of the way you describe the way he tackled talking in fics, seriously dont be afraid to double those punctuation marks imo. definitely dont be afraid of those big 'stutters'!! its probably the most defining part of his voice imo. i hope this is useful and feel free to add on or ask about it!

[donnatroia]

2024 WRITING REVIEW

tagged: @malinaa LYS HI LYS THANK YOU FOR THE TAG MY LOVE

tagging: desperately trying to remember which of my mutuals are fic writers.. uhmmm @bluegarners @starsapphire @roseworth @lieu42 if you all haven’t done this yet and feel like it! if you haven’t written fic this year my bad my memory is terrible

number of stories posted to ao3: a whole 4 fics lol! i am pretty new to the fic writing game so that was good for me idk🤷‍♀️

word count posted for last year: 64,475 (thank you to tbba for being long af)

fandoms I wrote for: detective comics babeyyyy😎😎

pairings: dickroy<3

stories with the most kudos, bookmarks & comment threads:

NOT THE STATS LOL.. i write for my mutuals and my mutuals alone ok😭 there’s a hole where your heart lies had the most all around with 158 kudos, 60 bookmarks and 21 comment threads. the people love dickroy 🤷‍♀️ it’s ok one day niche comics canon bart allen character study fics will have 5k kudos trust me

work i’m most proud of (and why): to be buried alive is im pretty sure the longest thing ive written to date, excluding maybe one or two pieces of bad original fiction (<- girl who has terrible writing stamina). so i was very proud that it got done at all. also was just very proud of the arcs and emotional moments from that piece! cassie cain amiright<3333

work i’m least proud of (and why): i mean at the beep was pretty dumb lol, it was just a goofy gimmick fic. it brought me joy tho

share or describe a favorite review you received:

i have a lot of comments i keep close to my heart that talk abt themes & analysis i was going for but i want to thank this person for giving me the ego boost of all time

a time when writing was really, really hard: SECOND HALF OF THIS SEMESTER. ugghhhh. double major in humanities will mean you write a lot for class, shocker. so when i do get free time i usually do not feel like spending it writing even more🫣 curse you academia

a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: i wrote you are my sunshine in a feverish haze over the course of a week or so hence a lot of it surprising me.. the ending especially! i did not plan on iris making an appearance in the fic but when i actually sat down to write the ending.. there was no other way it could end🥺

a favorite excerpt of your writing: Damian was a small thing. Cass imagined him wrapping his little hand into a fist, watching blood leak between his fingers.

makes more sense in context but probably my fav lines from tbba<333 that good old gut punch of 8yo cass imagery

how did you grow as a writer last year: improved stamina.. writing 40k is still insane to think about

how do you hope to grow this year: i really just want to write more consistently and frequently. i go through weird phases of activity usually so i just need to get into the habit of writing every day<3

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.): this is mostly for original fiction but my partner<3 sent them a draft of my final portfolio for a cw course and they texted back lots of very sweet reactions and also said: ‘okay so what if we made [x story] into a short film?’ so now we’re making one of my pieces into a short film. pro tip get into a relationship with someone who loves ur art. also sway was def my biggest cheerleader for tbba shoutout sway🫶🫶🫶

anything from your real life show up in your writing last year: no one ask about my relationship to my father.

any new wisdom you can share with other writers: get weirddddd with it ignore the rules

any projects you’re looking to starting (or finishing) this year: hehehe there is a donna fic in the works😈 also vague notions of a longish wally west versus parenting & unresolved childhood trauma fic but we’ll see what happens with that

[thebe4ulog]

A Little Introduction

helloo :D i don’t really know how this works, i’ve been saying for 2025 i wanna start documenting my life a bit more and my friend kind of led me here

i’ve been STRUGGLING like HARD with my sexuality for a while now, i’ll probably go more into my experience in a later post but im tired of pretending im immortal and resistant to shame and internalised homophobia and even abuse like i thought

hobbies

that’s kind of been the talking point of a lot of conversations i’ve had about myself because it’s just constantly on my mind, which is why i’m trying to navigate myself to some more healthy habits this year, for example writing! i’ve always really loved writing and fiction and i’ve wanted to get into it for a while and i’m hoping this year will be the year i do. i’m also a musician, i’ve written a few personal albums and i’d like to release some songs to streaming services one day, but for now i’m okay with my little chord sheets and silly little lyrics. i play ukulele, guitar, banjo, piano and im picking up the saxophone! so that’ll be fun. i also really want to start getting into art and drawing and what have you too.

interests

most of my favourite artists are dead but i love jazz anyway. from frank sinatra to duke ellington, i love it all. some artists that might be more relevant to you though - i mostly listen to will wood and laufey (despite being aroace probably idk i just like the jazz and her music makes me feel pretty) i also on occasion listen to tally hall and lemon demon, so yes that confirms i am autistic. i also really love the muppets, im going to go back there some day makes me cry, gonzo my beloved. <3 games i like tend to be cosy games like stardew valley and minecraft and the like, but im a fan of pokemon too. the following are likely to die out in the next month or so but im currently hyperfixating on wicked and the universal theme parks, so if those tickle your fancy then tumble me or whatever

i mostly speak english but i’m really interested in foreign languages and cultures; i can carry most conversations in spanish. i’m from the UK but i like to pretend im not and rather that im from space or something, mostly because it makes more sense for my stupid little AuDHD self but also because i have absolutely 0 patriotism. and also because why not, space is pretty cool no?

buh bye

that’s a little bit about me and where i’m at at the moment! :) i’m hoping to make friends and share experiences and interests and maybe experiment a little with certain things. i have some general little notices and what have you in my bio, im 17 and really if you’re 20+ i’d probably avoid this blog. but mbti and star signs and all the other bollocks people seem to find relevant is there

i’m honestly not sure what i’m gonna do with this thing or how i should really end it, the latter seems too dry to end it on. do i say over? like it’s a radio communication? that seems humorous i’ll go with that.

[azes-ocean]

Scholar’s moral tutor

Alhaitham x Male!reader, SLIGHT angst to fluff, mostly fluff tbh

Warnings: slightly yan Alhaitham, angst, reader thinks he is dumb, kinda mean Alhaitham,

An: im screaming, crying. This was a request from an anon asking for Alhaitham angst/fluff but I accidentally clicked post when I was trying to save it as a draft theennn I had to delete the post. So yep, now the ask is gone! IM SO SORRY 😭😭😭😭

Alhaitham was by no means a morally green person. He hardly bat an eye to the troubles of the people on the street on his way home. His usual schedule was to get his work done then get home, no exceptions unless perhaps his friends annoyances needed him. Then you changed everything. Suddenly hes working overtime to help you study for your maths exam, even bothering to backtrack on topics you didn’t comprehend. It was only later in your second semester he realized he quite enjoyed the time spent on you. It even came to him that he didn’t want these days to end. He had to have a permanent part in your life- not just your tutor. Yet he didn’t rush it, after all, he believed that as long as he a gave you what you wanted-his knowledge- then you’d never leave him. How wrong he was.

Alhaitham’s bad habits eventually caught up. He was so used to treating people as if they were invisible until they talked to him it was buried so deep in his personality that when he wanted to change, it was taking all too long.

“Are you even listening to me? I said the formula is x^3+y^3+2^3=k not x^2-“

“Stop blurting when you can be thinking, y/n.”

“No. You are wrong. Start over.”

“Pay attention, y/n.”

You buried your head in your book, biting your lip so hard you swore it bled. Why could you still hear Alhaitham’s voice in your head? You were alone and Alhaitham wouldn’t check on you for another hour. You managed to grit your teeth and breath in , lifting your pen again and starting to write down more notes. “Grip the pen like this. Messy handwriting may become illiterate, which is not acceptable in the Akademiya.”

You stood up, breathing deeply. No, no! You were fine, fine, fine.

After a few more failed attempts at calming down, you jotted it down to lack of sleep-deciding to skip lessons with Alhaitham today to sleep early.

That was just it, you didn’t want to avoid him.

—

”Where were you yesterday, y/n?” Alhaitham demanded, his eyes looking a bit more irritated then usual. You had totally not expected Alhaitham to find you during lunch, more than a little miffed at the fact that you had left before he could meet you yesterday. All you could do was manage a pained smile, “Ahaha…I…had…a…uhm…”

Okay, okay, think of excuses! My grandma died-ok no, she already had. Uhh, my dog ran away. Tsk, no, you don’t have a dog! My cat committed arson-You don’t have a cat either!

You just stared up at him, giving him an awkward smile. Embarrassment kept creeping up your cheeks as Alhaitham stared you down, frowning. It was only after a few awkward moments of silence Alhaitham brought up his hand to rub his head tiredly, sighing, “Fine. I suppose since you didn’t have an exam today, it was reasonable. Now, on the other hand, I refuse to let you of as you do have an exam of quintic formula tomorrow.” He ignored the way his heart rate quickened as he saw your eyes light up, beaming. This was utterly unfair for the archons to let such a handsome cute being to exist. You nodded quickly, feeling relieved Alhaitham wasn’t angry. You could not totally handle today’s lessons with him. —

You take that back. You couldn’t. He was more strict today than usual, berating you on mistakes he’d usually ignore. Your brain was pounding againt your skull as you reviewed the lesson for the umpteenth time. You could so do this. It was (not) fine. Alhaitham was explaning about how epsilon was the opposite of x in math, or maybe that was an hour ago. It all went over your head anyway. “Y/n? Are you listening?” Alhaitham demanded, frowning.

“Yes…yes…”

—

That was your latest lesson with Alhaitham, and it was three weeks ago. After that you had taken it upon yourself to study alone. You knew you were probably overreacting in this situation, but the pounding headaches from the extra assignments Alhaitham gave you and the lack of sleep to make way for his lessons were catching up on you, making your head pound with drowsiness every waking moment. It still does. Maybe it wasn’t Alhaitham himself, really. Maybe all this was your reaction to the being beside an unmatched genius all the time-pressuring you to be just as good at least, as if you could ever. You’d never have Academic validation in the eyes of the genius scribe. So what really was the point?

Your overthinking…overreacting…Why can’t you just be the perfect boy like Alhaitham?

Because your not smart. Your not gifted. Your not enough.

“Y/n. You’re no being of meager intellect, so don’t act like it.”

‘A being of meager intellect…huh?’

—

”Y/n avoiding you? They probably just can’t stand your personality.” Kaveh drawled, still focused on sketching out a project proposal for his client.

“I can’t believe I asked you.” Alhaitham sighed, looking down at the book on his lap. You didn’t hate him, did you? No, he made an effort to be kinder to you then most people. So what had he done wrong? Alhaitham mentally charted down everything he had done within the timespan- he pretended not to notice you stealing his lunch, he gave you cookies during the last-

So what mistake did he do? Why? What?

It was the first time in a many years the genius Alhaitham was confused, absolutely stumped.

—

“Y/n.”

“A-ah!?” You turned back to see Alhaitham with a deadpan serious expression, frowning, “Why are you avoiding me?” He demanded. “And don’t give me some bullshit excuse.”

Okay…Alhaitham just cursed. This was quite…bad. “I was…I was…” you stumbled over your words, wondering what to tell him. The truth? Definitely not. Absolutely not.

“Don’t lie to me. Please.”

That made your brain short circuit. Alhaitham pleading? Since when?

“…I-I it’s bit embarrassing but-I felt pressured because…because your so perfect and everything even though you have a bit of an asshole personality and I can never be like you!”

“…”

That rendered you both speechless, Alhaitham shocked and you just plain embarrassed. Your quiteeee the idiot, aren’t you? You blabbered your mouth now Alhaitham’s going to make fun of-

“Apologies if that bothered you in any way.” Alhaitham adverted his eyes, his gaze trailing across the floor, “…May I rephrase my offer? I-think that I have an idea to satisfy both of us.” That caught your attention as your eyes locked on his face. He had an expression you never expected to see from him. He was…nervous?

You remembered to speak.

“I-I uhm-the offer to be my tutor? But-uhm-I mean-er- sure.” You stumbled over your words as you cringed at yourself, why were you so jittery, really?

“I would like you to be my friend. I-will not lie I wish for more than that but-“ Alhaitham coughed into his hand, regaining his composure, “I hope you’ll let be build up from there. Please treat me like any other friend and come to me with any of your troubles, even those relating to me myself.” His voice was unusually stiff as he tried to hide his fear of your rejection, hoping you’d allow him this for now.

“I-sure! Sure! So-I’ll call you Haitham from now on!” You offered awkwardly, you were not at all dejected about this outcome- in fact, you were joyful! The only thing bothering you was the feeling of uncertainty of having Alhaitham as your friend, and maaybe that little comment about ‘wanting more than that.’

But your first worry was your math quiz in a few minutes. Oh. Right. You were on the way to class, weren’t you?

-Another thing bothering you then- You don’t have a tutor anymore. So lets see your grades.

“Y/n? Why do you look panicked?”

—

Alhaitham was by no means a morally green person. He hardly bat an eye to the troubles of the people on the street on his way home. His usual schedule was to get his work done then get home, no exceptions unless you or his friends asked. But you changed everything. Now he’s willing to try to be morally green- to be worthy of your attention.

Maybe your his tutor now. He doesn’t have a problem with that.

An: This was longer than I expected! Kinda crappy tbh I didn’t put much thought into the story because OH CRAP QUARTER TESTS ARE COMING! Hope you liked it even a bit 🤭 EDIT: Yeah...I reread it the plot makes not much sense sorrry promise the next post will be better 😭😭😭

[6okuto-moved]

mmm i hope im understanding this character ask game right.. how about 1, 2, 6, 8, 9, 24 for the last legacy trio

(chara ask game) Oh Mamma Mia. i'm back in the fawking building ?! my memory of everything is so So minimal i'm gonna hope i can answer these. they might be incredibly sad looking answers though

1. Why do you like or dislike this character? — i don't remember specific moments or dialogue really but in general. i thought all of them were good-looking first of all. LOL. and they had rlly interesting plots!! the way they changed based on our choices (e.g. felix's treatment of rime in the last chapters) was just ?? so interesting to me?? even if i Was fawking it up. Idk guys I love character analysis and development. liked how their issues existed/manifested outside of their relationship w mc

felix: i thought he was kind of unique?? as an LI... with his personality and interests and the whole Necromancy thing. liked how he could be super smart and powerful but also be silly and. read smut. LOL. i could relate to him and found him endearing

anisa: i always thought she was lovely but realizing she's also silly and a mess at times made me more affectionate !! something about her star choices really hit. the dialogue and vibes Oh man she was everything. i think the thing was anisa trusting herself or mc but i can't remember which one we were supposed to aim for. i think i'd replay her route first if i ever installed again

sage: meow meow. IDK it takes..a lot.. for me to Really feel for charas like sage (flirty/charming + emotional vulnerability issues).. like i empathize but i always end up caring more about another chara. but he got me. he did. i think chapter 12-14 definitely made me like him more because you don't usually see Shit get Fucked AND try to help recover after. like that's usually It y'know. bad ending. so. i miss sage. goddmyogdn

2. Favorite canon thing about this character? — ...... ruh roh. someoneheplp.

felix: EXISTENCE! Chapter 12 Cg

anisa: EXISTENCE! Chapter 4 Cg

sage: EXISTENCE! and Loud Purr :3c Chapter 6/12/13 Cgs.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

felix: ....we like to read... BDJGBJBSJD

anisa: #GIRLS and I, too, like shrimp.

sage: ...my god. i love sage i couldn't tell you what we have in common. problems with vulnerability and long hair

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise? — ...my memory truly evades me. i also didn't pay much attention to. fandom things. Habit of mine. i know felix could've been treated better with the babygirling thing. i think i was asked to write smth where he was jealous (or something??) and i was like . this feels ooc. but. that was my bad and about all i got..

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

felix: yes!!

anisa: yes!! i would like 2 be her roommate :3

sage: .... ? i feel like i wouldn't end up in a situation where this would happen. going to say. no? i mean maybe? sage isn't my first choice if it's only one other roommate...

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them? — I'm blanking So hard on All of my interests rn. i think if i couldn't think of stuff for sage hcs i'd look at kuroo posts. maybe?? like for energy and dialogue. i'm blanking so hard My god